HOW TO SPOT A NARCISSIST PSYCHOPATHIC AT WORK & HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF.

HOW TO SPOT A NARCISSIST PSYCHOPATH

Back by popular demand. More and more victims of workplace bullying are contacting me, via social media, regarding their brushes with narcissistic managers.

A couple of people have private messaged saying how brave I have been speaking out. Which speaks less to my bravery but more to the long term impact of the intimidation they have experienced . Like domestic abusers, all bullying happens behind closed doors with little evidence except the impact on the victim. I’m going to say that again: all you need to evidence is the impact on the victim.

Is your line manager playing a ‘divide and rule’ strategy? presenting one face and saying one thing in front of the group as a whole, and then in 1:1 meetings presenting an entirely different ‘face’ and narrative. e.g. praising you to your face but reprimanding you behind closed doors. Or logging complaints about you with the HR department while praising you to your face? Both of which I experienced in confusing succession.

 Creating intentional confusion is a hallmark tactic of narcissist psychopaths. 

One colleague said told me “they’re gaslighting you Lilly”. Another said “you need to cover your back because they’re being very cunning”; and a third told me “you need to get a copy of your HR record ( and see what’s being logged about you.)” 

I have made a ‘subject access request’ through the appropriate government department… I’ll let you know when the information arrives what it says. Why am I smiling? Because as a fully connected, and fully supported human, I am no longer emotionally attached to outcome. 

Long term fear, anxiety, and even PTSD can be experienced, even after extracation from a toxic work environment. I just want to remind you that I am a spiritually aware life coach (with a great deal of corporate and business experience across private, public and charity sectors). 

If you need me you can book a completely confidential 🤐 & FREE 30 minute discovery call just by filling in the contact form on this website The Green Lotus Lounge website; emailing: lotusnaturalhealing2@gmail.com or sending a direct message via various social media platforms to me.

Chronic stress

I was told by another former colleague with reference to a particular manager “it takes at least six months to ‘de-compress’ to a functioning capacity”. Chronic stress left my capacity so debilitated that even after 6 months one day I couldn’t remember my own date of birth. Through meditation practices, I had learned to observe my ‘now’ with interest. I didn’t stress about it, I just told my carer, who was present: there must be a record of it somewhere in the house? I just needed to dig out a driving license or a passport.

First top tip: don’t sweat the small stuff. 

I  have been told that another colleague is still angry (and this is years later) about the way they were treated. Another hallmark of the narcissist psychopath is that they intentionally take action to destroy another person. 

I lost a year, but I gained a very very enlightening (DNOS) dark night of the soul: a deep and sustainable spiritual awakening, with the result that I now feel happier than I have for years. It’s a deep happiness born of a new found sense of connectivity to the unconditional love that is life; to the knowing that the function of life is to support life itself (and acknowledging that I am, like you, life itself). A realisation and deep understanding that the only time is ‘now’ and the only place is ‘here’ has given me roots in to calm serenity; and my ‘here’ and ‘now’ is stress free because I have learned to trust that from this moment forward I am manifesting through calm stillness and not attracting or allowing toxicity into my sphere of influence. 

Work place bullying impacts self esteem, self confidence, work skills; negating opportunities for career developement and propelling people into poverty while they recover body, mind & soul. 

I saw one member of my team take a pay cut to get away from the toxicity which had her in tears every week. I saw the next jump teams perhaps for a promotion, perhaps not. I saw a third repress their anger & anxiety to the point that it exacerbated a health condition for which they were waiting for an operation. I saw them go off sick for months and then just as they were offered an operation date, they disappeared. I was told “we don’t need them in our team…I can do their job as well as mine”.  I saw another colleague being undermined in the community at every move , being micromanaged to a point of suffocation, and then it was suddenly announced “he’s leaving”.  Members of my community told me that they had been told the same thing as me that “we had to let him go because he wasn’t very good at his job.” From my POV I witnessed that he wasn’t allowed to do his job. 

The chronic stress impact of a disappearing team

All of this should have had sirens and red flags screaming loudly at me… well they were, so why didn’t I understand what was happening? I could feel disruptive anger rising in my belly which I was unable to articulate. Maybe I’m being a bit thick, or maybe I am just not a Machiavellian thinker. 

Or, as Dr Karen Mitchell PhD explains: ”If you want to understand narcissist psychopaths, you must suspend your belief about humanity”. 

This is because the narcissist psychopath has a pre-frontal cortex & amygdala brain anomaly meaning they are wired up and motivated entirely differently to other humans. While often presenting as compassionate or caring ‘gatekeepers of the vulnerable’ in-fact, control, sadism, deception & exploitation are their carefully camouflaged drivers. For example starting up their own charities, or churches, or positioning themselves as experts in safeguarding, gains them access to and control over vulnerable people. 

As a healer, or rather as a person who channels healing energy, I am particularly interested in the inter-connectivity of life, and the relationship between body, mind and spirit.

This recent experience of being bullied to the point of ill health has now given me first hand knowledge of exactly how human physical health is dis-eased by chronic workplace stress & bullying. Note the word ‘dis-ease’. I have direct correlation between my medical and hospital case notes and work related stressors.

If you resonate with my experiences do get in touch. 

I’m here to listen and to witness your words. I know what it is like not be listened too; I know what it feels like not to be believed. The good news is that you are always connected to spirit and the greater universal life force; although you may have been made to feel isolated. Isolating you from environmental support systems is a hallmark of the narcissist psychopathic/ abuser; and I will speak more about that in my series of answers to the question

SO

HOW CAN YOU SPOT A NARCISSIST PSYCHOPATH 

& HOW YOU CAN PROTECT YOURSELF?

As we have past the autumn equinox (Sept. 2024) and we are moving into the darkness of winter; and as I approach the first year anniversary of my work related breakdown, I will be alternating my #Thursdaythoughts between the esoteric spiritually awakened light work on the one hand, and the very real experiential knowledge of dark personality types responsible for toxic work environments and negative corporate cultures on the other. Somewhere in the middle I will be discussing corporate approaches to the transformation of society through the transformation of corporate culture. And, I will be framing both from Christian , Buddhist and more spiritually esoteric theological frameworks. 

If you feel like you are stuck at work in a blackening Petri dish of toxicity and need support: I am here for you.

Taking courageous action

I do not think of myself as a brave person but, like most other people I know on the autistic scale, I am compelled to stand up and be a ‘truth-teller’, even if I can see that, in the short term it appears to be to my detriment, I will call things as I see them, when others won’t. That doesn’t necessarily make me brave. It is a character trait. A reason I am here and a reason you are reading these words.

I have been following the work of Dr Karen Mitchell PhD, who I believe is a very strong courageous women for devoting her academic and professional career to researching, elucidating and disseminating information to help us all. Like me, but more so, she has been persecuted. She is a world leading expert in dark personalities, predators, toxic leaders, narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, and coercive controllers. She is an academic who describes herself as an ‘author’, ‘pragmatist’, and ‘change-agent’.

There is an urgent need to transform society.

Unfortunately many people remain fooled by the ‘doublespeak’ soundbites and zeitgeist empty rhetorics emenating from political and public sector organisations lead by these dark personalities. 

We are indeed witnessing a decline into Orwellian predicted dystopias. 

The good news is that as more of us stand up and shine a light on practices of work place bullying, the darkness within corporate culture, personalities and toxic work environments illuminated: revealed as the ‘stains’, the blots on the landscape, they really are. 

As expected these behaviours are ‘covered up’, but through those attempts, they are revealed as toxic work environments lead by toxic leaders unable to transform society. 

We are enabling & experiencing a paradigm shift. 

Despite my recent experiences I do remain positive that together we can alter the balance of power from the current trajectory towards dystopia; and shift the balance from this day forward into a different realm. 

Experience counts

In my earlier life I experienced domestic violence & domestic control (my son’s father was a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic) at times,  because of the paranoia  my life was literally in danger. What affected my health most was the insidious nature of DV (intimidation, threat & fear). A decade of domestic violence (which ended over 25years ago) left less impact on my health than just 18 months of workplace bullying! I’m going to repeat that (and it won’t be the last statement that will shock you in this series) A decade of domestic violence (which ended over 25years ago) left less impact on my health than just 18 months of workplace bullying! 

LikeDV, work place bullying takes place behind closed doors, for the very reason that it will be difficult to evidence. The best evidence you have is the proof of impact on other people. You will have seen the results of long term chronic stress and bullying in a toxic work environment: colleagues having mental breakdowns, long term sick leaves and problems retaining staff ( dysfunctionally frequent staff turnover) Red flag KPI data indicating the presence of narcissist psychopaths in the workplace. Just as attitudes toward domestic violence are shifting away from ‘victim blaming’, we  must now make determined efforts to change the toxic culture of work environments and shift away from ‘victim blaming’ in the work place.

Because I believe this is imperative,  I am offering free 30 minute online discovery sessions for C-class executives who sincerely want to change the environment they find themselves in; and also anyone who has experienced work placed bullying is welcome to make contact with me. 

THAT WAS THE RATHER LONG PRE-AMBLE TO THIS SERIES OF #Thursdaythoughts RECORDED TO HELP YOU IDENTIFY PSYCHOPATHIC NARCISSISTS IN YOUR COMMUNITY OR WORK ENVIRONMENT. TO LET YOU KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE. AND TO HELP YOU PROTECT YOURSELF & LESSON THE TOXIC IMPACTS ON YOUR BODY, MIND AND SOUL.

I am grateful to Dr Karen Mitchell, the founder and CEO of the Kalmor Institute. 

Her research elucidates findings from over 1000 years of cumulative professional experiences. I’m hoping that I can set up a professional video recorded podcast type dialogue with Dr Mitchell as this series progresses, and also I am keen to interview local, national and international speakers on this subject. 

SO, HOW CAN YOU SPOT A PSYCHOPATHIC NARCISSISTS IN YOUR WORK ENVIRONMENT (and what CAN you do to protect yourself?)

1. Dr Mitchell tells us “ A very interesting fact about narcissistic psychopaths…..they often have a ‘partner henchman’ “whom they have groomed by offering them ‘opportunity’ that leaves the ‘henchman’ indebted, entwined, and with invested interest in the Narcissistic Psychopaths deceit & scheming. She writes “The bond is like that of a creeping vine living on a tree” ultimately it will suffocate and destroy quite consciously, like an intentional parasite. 

For example in a senior a work environment a CEO might appoint a particularly vulnerable person as their CFO because they are engaged in nefarious activities they do not want exposed. A director or senior manager will appoint an inexperienced and/or unqualified family member or ‘friend’ from their already controlled sphere of influence, following swift eradication  (through sudden restructuring) of an inherited team. Whatever the job description: this person is now, (often at first unbeknown to them), the newly groomed henchman.  This is dark nepotism indeed; and this is what marks out the dark personality of the workplace psychopathic narcissist beyond the norm.   Dr Mitchell warns:

“When you see 2 people that seem to present as a single force, this is a very, very strong red flag for a psychopathic narcissist.”

I’m going to repeat that and ask you to pause and remember. “When you see 2 people that seem to present as a single force, this is a very, very strong red flag for the presence of a psychopathic narcissist and their henchman.

Now speaking directly to the ‘henchmen’: By the time you recognise yourself as having been groomed it will be too late. Your professional placidity will have been eroded in to a weakness so debilitating that the sick feeling in your stomach will now make you vomit; chronic toxicity & repression of your authentic self will have resulted in physical and mental dis-ease. Note the word ‘dis-ease’. The sudden shock of your awakening to the truth of a situation will cause you to question your existential beliefs. 

Now speaking to everyone who is experiencing anxiety in your stomach at the thought of going in to your work environment: be aware that your physical & mental health is now at risk; and the clock is ticking. It’s not anxiety born of your professional competence. While being persecuted I was told by other people: you are a good person & you are good at your job. It’s not anxiety that has you petrified: it is fear; and fear is an emotion with a very strong protective message. I write in-depth about the impacts of work placed bullying on physical & mental health in other video blogs; and I urge you in all to listen to your bodies. 

Be forewarned: By the time you realise that loyalty is a one way street you will be “thrown under the bus” destroyed and discarded as collateral damage like so many victims you have witnessed before you. Collateral damage of human resource can be evidenced in several ways. The key performance indicator is staff retention. The key experiential indicator is that feeling of sickness, a sense that you are walking on eggshells. 

Your ego and your fears brought you to this position. A huge amount of spiritual developement will be needed for you to recover from it. But when you do, believe me, you will move with the shift. 

While in a very toxic work environment I observed two henchmen, at least one of whom was so entwined they had become culpable. Sadly they were described to me as ‘good people’ based on the fact they were a tight knit community, a fellowship of ‘Christians’. 

History is littered with the devastating evidence of psychopathic narcissistic predators who have positioned themselves as organisational, political, or religious cult leaders. As soon as you hear someone say how disappointed they were that no-one would put in the work to sustain the new church they wanted to found this is a red flag. It is not the sign of a ‘good person’ . It is the language of failed control. Psychopathic narcissists have to be in control, they have to be able to manipulate everything around them.. 

HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF

I was advised by colleagues to contact HR. They did not respond and this again is another sign of a toxic work environment. Where the HR department are the gatekeepers of the toxic structure. 

I was advised by colleagues to contact the union. in this particular organisation the union is stressed to over capacity dealing with grievances and disciplinary actions. The union representatives are also line managed within the organisation. This creates a direct conflict of interest which flies in the face of fairness. When the union employees are subject to the same chronic toxicity, causing long term sickness, and when the union employees themselves are in grievance or even having disciplinary measures taken against them. We know the culture of the organisation needs to change.

YouTube is littered with How to deal with… from the position of psychological operational strategy. I can’t give you advice on that because I don’t engage in warfare; and quite frankly I failed miserably psychologically and got really ill. 

What I can do is help you to become aware of how being in the sphere of a psychopathic narcissist is damaging your mental & physical health. And I can help you become aware of how to protect your own energy field. 

I found myself needing to take showers several times a day, just like someone who’s been raped. And this need increased as the abuse increased. If you are feeling the  walls closing in, and the ‘ickiness’ of being in a toxic work environment or you have a meeting scheduled with a narcissistic psychopathic bully,  I leave you today with some very simple advice:

Action 1 : Before the meeting drink a glass of water in meditative sips concentrating in the moment on the moment that water is healing, and that you are made of water, and by default it connects you to the whole universe around you. Go into the restroom and hold your wrists under cold running water, allowing a conscious memory to form of how this feels. That it is calming, protecting and grounding you. 

Action 2. In the meeting sip water if you can. If you can place a jacket or a bag on your lap to protect your solar plexus.

Action 3. Immediately after the meeting, go to the restroom and hold your  wrists under cold running water. I had a vomit reflex after such encounters and often felt sick. 

Action 4. As  soon as you can after the meeting talk to a colleague about what just happened or make a note in your journal.

Action 5. Make sure that after work or after writing in your journal to take a shower or again hold your wrists under cold running water. 

If I could go back and advise myself: it would have to be to ‘jump ship when everyone else did” . Get out of that department or get out of that organisation. Whatever they are paying you is not worth jeopardising your health for. Value yourself: you are worth so much more than that.