#ThursdayThoughts: How to identify Narcissist Psychopath behaviour when it is embedded and enabled by an organisation structure.

 #ThursdayThoughts

Today in ThursdayThoughts I am revisiting the subject that has received the most views, shares and interactions through the Lotus Natural Healing YouTube Channel.

A topic that keeps trending in the zeitgeist. 

How to recognise Narcissist Psychopath behaviour in your work environment.

 An apology: revisiting this topic sunk me in to the memory of being that victim of persecution trending in the zeitgeist, with full on debilitating hemiplegic migraine, pain, exhaustion & depression, and auto-immune symptoms of inflammation and literal loss of voice. I was therefore unable to record a video for last Thursday. Second attempt today in full knowledge that I am no longer a victim, not just a survivor, but an absolutely thriving re-positioned transformational agent of change.

Today we are discussing how narcissist psychopath ‘dark personalities’ and behaviours get embedded in an organisation… and what to do about it.

It’s Thursday 

31st October 2024 and I am revisiting this topic because it is useful to understand the shift that is happening in humanity in the context of old authoritarian and dystopian patterns, so that we can see more clearly how absurd and cruel they are.

If you resonate with what I am about to tell you subscribe or share this content, it if given freely to help you recognise why you might be suffering from anxiety, or health problems such as IBS, stomach ulcer, panic attacks,  and depression.

This time last year I was exiting a toxic workplace with support from doctors and Union Officers who were also suffering chronic disease. Having given three years of dedicated service, including pulling my tendon on the stairs in a building so cold I that I was shivering at work. An accident  at work that strangely never made it into the accident at work book. 

Three years of dedication including during Covid lockdown when I my elderly father with dementia was tricked into being taken into a care home, against his wishes - by the very organisation that I worked for, on the first day of the second lockdown in 2020, in full knowledge of the catastrophic number of deaths that had been caused in care homes through central and local government mis-management; and the pain and trauma caused as families could not access their dying parents. Consequently my father caught Covid and died alone, scared and staring into a bright fluorescent light. It is now recorded at the Office of Public Guardian that he had his liberty deprived at that time through that action. And I was told by the organisation that the staff had done ‘a good job’. He was a vulnerable person knowingly lied too by employees that were told to do so by their line managers. 

And that fact, that newly ‘qualified’ employees were told, by their managers, to lie to him in order to get him out of his house, is really important to remember. 

…

And still I carried on working diligently with a busted knee, while arranging for a Covid distance funeral for a dead father. I can’t believe I did that.

I mean carried on working while having counselling for shock  and grief and emergent complex PTSD triggered by the very organisation that I worked for. 

An organisation that I had believed in: and that: our belief in public sector organisations and government structures is also a very important point today as we recognise how narcissist psychopath behaviours have historically embedded themselves in our societies.

I look back now and think ‘thank God’ that I was not the one coerced into taking action that was morally & ethically wrong, and, as it turned out - illegal

Role the clock forward to 3 years later - that is: this time last year.  

When I was being disciplined for being ‘insubordinate’ and it is written in my HR records that I am ‘hostile’. That word is very important because it has a particular definition in the  context of the people that were using it. 

You are probably thinking: why did I stay in such a toxic environment. I think the answers are very similar to why people stay in any abusive relationships.

Before we look at safe exit and recovery strategies i.e. sustainable healing from narcissist abuse. 

Let’s refer to the research of Dr Karen Mitchell and her findings that 

“Dark personalities (narcissists/psychopaths) are:

1. Cruel

2. Profoundly dishonest

3. Love playing with people’s heads and not in a good way. 

4. Brazenly willing to do things most of us would never dream of doing to the disadvantage & compromise others.” 

The descriptive title ‘Sadistic’ is important because, one of the ‘tells’ of a narcissist psychopath is their smirk, when they are enjoying their authoritarian position while inflicting pain on others. 

Dr Mitchell asks… 

“Why are the lies of a narcissist/psychopath different to the lies of others?”

and answers…

“1. They do not experience fear or shame because of brain anomalies. They are therefore able to maintain eye contact and seem calm and honest when they lie.
2. When they lie to undermine others, they often do it within a context of caring about the other person which makes it more compelling.”

Here I am directly quoting Dr Mitchell, who records 4 reasons it is

“…frustratingly difficult to halt the harm they cause…

(My comments in brackets)

“1. People don’t believe it when a person says that someone has demonstrated many of the attributes of a narcissist/psychopath, particularly if they have never been a target of that person themselves”

(This is important because in an employment situation, the narcissist psychopath will only target their subordinates, that is until they wish to ‘pick off’ senior managers who have now become complicit in their behaviour. In an employment situation you are directed by policy to go to go to those senior managers, but you will not be believed because they have not yet been the target of the narcissist psychopath, which makes them extremely naïve regarding the complex manner in which harm and a depth of pain is caused. I used the phrase : “they have not yet…” because they will be…and by that time they will have been complicit, and the narcissist psychopath will have methodically recorded - ie ‘invented’ - evidence against them. In my experience the person announced on their first day that they “fully intended to be the next CEO of the organisation” clearly fronting their intent to pick off anyone who might stand in their way.)

“2. People see a normal human face, they see a person chatting normally and question the exposer, rather than the narcissist/psychopath abuser. 

(in my experience the person presents as a charitable ‘Pollyanna’)

“3. People don’t like to think that someone could be so negatively motivated, in particular someone they might know….

(The ‘people’ referred to, are in an employment situation the very senior managers who have yet to be targeted. They might have appointed them to their position within the organisation, and therefore feel that their competence is being undermined by the victim. They probably know them personally and do not want their judgement questioned…. ‘Oh ‘Ego’ what traps you lead us in to’)

“4. People feel an overwhelming need to be polite to all people, particularly in employment/social situations. They are likely to be more critical of the victim/target who has been damaged by the dark personality for being impolite or uncommunicative, rather than the dark personality who goes out of their way to seem particularly polite… “

(Remember I was positioned as ‘hostile’, my Autism - a legal disability, was treated as rudeness, or a behavioural problem….challenging…insubordinate.)

My experience is resonating with every autistic empath out there…..you have experienced this number being played on you, right? 

It will also register with compassionate people who are not autistic empaths. Just remember: ‘Truth tellers’ are always persecuted: it’s not you, it’s them. You are a good person and you are good at your job. You are valuable just by the very fact that you exist - here & now.

…”A classic narcissist/psychopath tactic to avoid culpability is DARVO - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim Offender”

(Reverse Victim Offender - RVO is particularly important. Because with the most Machiavellian characters it comes before ‘Deny, Attack’. In my experience the manager in question would use every 1:1 team meeting to belittle and informally discipline me behind closed doors, having praised me in front of team members. This would then be followed by fleeing to their senior managers, turning on the crocodile tears and performing their ‘Reverse Victim Offender’ strategy. On one occasion I actually walked past a senior manager in the corridor (on my way to the toilet to be sick) and I could overhear them crying down the telephone loudly almost hysterically in full victim mode. This is important not just because of the ‘Reverse Victim Offender strategy’ a game tactic of the narcissist psychopath, but because of the structural conflict presented. The organisation’s grievance policy instructs the victim of the Narcissist Psychopath to raise a complaint to the same manager within the same department where the ‘Reverse Victim Offender’ strategy is at play. I called it out knowingly, it made me vomit. Many people are too scared to call it out. ‘Fear’ is just one reason why a person feels unable to just walk away from any abusive relationship. And here’s 2 things you should know about ‘fear’. 1. That there is nothing in the whole universe to fear but fear itself; and 2. That ‘fear’ is a state of anxiety that keeps you trapped like a victim in a prison of your own making.

I invite you to observe your workplace;

look out for points 1 to 4 above;

and reach out to lotusnaturalhealing2@gmail.com for support.

Have you been in that position of not being believed, not being heard? 

Or, even worse, has someone brought the Narcissist Psychopath’s behaviour to your attention but it was you who was the disbeliever …even covering up and becoming complicit? 

In pop culture that position is known as being a ‘flying monkey’ a reference to the wicked witches ‘minions’ in the wizard of Oz. In less popular mediated text we are reminded of the recent Post Office scandal in the UK, or the gas chambers in Nazi Germany; or the death camp of Gaza…. all justified by people diligently “following instruction.”

I don’t mean to be making you feel uncomfortable. I just want to help you to illuminate and identify Narcissist Psychopaths, and the organisational structures that enable them, in your workplace.

A few of the signs to look out for include:

• Someone presenting a ‘normal face’, even positioning as a ‘good Christian Pollyanna’? 
• Subjugated body language of people leaving staff meetings. 
• High levels of staff turnover…organisational retention problems as previously loyal employees vote with their feet to leave particular departments. 
• Divide & Rule. Another tell’ of the Narcissist Psychopath is this divisive strategy -they will be feeding misinformation, saying one thing to one team member and a different thing to another in order to create division and confusion. 
• One of the most sadistic indications of a Narcissist Psychopath is their smirk when they have or are about to manipulate their power of authority to inflict pain on a ‘subordinate’. 

Have you witnessed, or experienced this in your workplace? 

Leave your comments below; or you can contact lotusnaturalhealing2@gmail.com for a confidential FREE 30 minutes confidential ‘offload’. 

Before we look at what you can do to protect yourself. And you can!

It is impotent to recognise what is happening  to you or your fellow colleagues.

Dr Karen Mitchell brings clarity in answer to her question:

What weaponry do narcissists/psychopaths (predators) employ to destroy others, to win and to avoid exposure?

The narcissist psychopath intimidates

1. Intimidation with the intent to create fear 

(e.g. what might happen if you should lose your job and not be able to pay your mortgage?)

The narcissist psychopath isolates

2. Isolates - the target from their support group, family, friends and networks through the use of outrageous false narrative and manipulation - 

(e.g ‘divide and rule’, using unfairness and conflict of interest in structural policy to their advantage, spreading false narratives to team members, colleagues in other departments and even other organisations).

The narcissist psychopath weaponises everything

3. Weaponises the justice system 

(I.e. threat of punishment e.g. implementing disciplinary procedures before grievances and instead of instigating stress and wellness policies).

The narcissist psychopath gaslights

4. Accuses the target of their own nefarious deeds, blames others. 

( e.g. taking credit for other people’s successes, shifting blame onto others for their own failures. In my case I was actually told by colleagues “Lilly she is gaslighting you” and indeed I was accused of ‘lieing’, which I did not; of safeguarding issues, when it was they who had come to my house and insisted that I remove my trousers to show them my injuries after I had called in to take sick leave after a RTA”. I fact I was accused of a wide range of things justified through ‘evidence’ created by themselves. i.e. that is they had composed emails and then produced their own fiction as ‘evidence’, which I ignored and was then disciplined for ignoring. This formed an intentional persecution’)

The narcissist psychopath…

5. Pretends to be the victim 

(Remember the ‘Reverse Victim Offender’. It is ‘played’ by sadistic individuals, institutional and corporate organisations, and even nation states)

The narcissist psychopath collects information about you (to weaponise it at a later date)

6. Data is sacred - bribes, steals, breaks laws and goes to great lengths to get information on their target that can be used to compromise them. 

( I cannot give examples of this, only that line managers, by their very positions have access to and hold information about their targets. Abuse of power is facilitated by traditional organisational structure)

The narcissist psychopath…

7. Blocks, evades, deflects. (In my experience they used the phrase “I don’t understand - what you are saying/trying to do” as a common ‘blocker’ with all of my colleagues, at one time or another)

The narcissist psychopath…

8. Creates a contrived sense of deep connection with targets and those they want to groom to be complicit. 

(This contrived deep connection will take place outside of the workplace in an intimate or vulnerable setting e.g. a religious setting,  spa setting, sports setting, hospitality setting etc. 

One of the reasons that I was so sadistically persecuted was because I refused to be ‘groomed’; I did not want to be ‘friends’; and did not want this person anywhere near my personal space, which had been violated by them previously. 

One of the ‘tells’ in the workplace is the unqualified ‘buddy’ accomplice recruited/appointment from an intimate circle of close family, friends or relatives) 

The narcissist psychopath…

9. Focuses on evidence reduction & lack of transparency 

(look out for that in the workplace)

The narcissist psychopath…

10. Diminishes, degrades, disempowers, discredits

(to your face and to others - it is important here to recognise the difference between details raised in a genuine grievance to those used to discredit former colleagues. I heard through partnership organisations that a previous victim “had to be let go because they were no good at their job” )

The narcissist psychopath…

11. Uses convoluted discussion

The narcissist psychopath…

12. Confuses & creates chaos

The narcissist psychopath…

13. Publicly and privately provokes. 

The narcissist psychopath…

14. Justifies and excuses. 

The narcissist psychopath…

15. Ingratiates themselves to people in power (until the time comes to betray them)

The narcissist psychopath…

16. Delays & postpones. 

The narcissist psychopath…

17. Diminishes, denies, minimises.  

The narcissist psychopath…

18. Blackmails & bribes. 

The narcissist psychopath…

19. Obligates. 

The narcissist psychopath…

20. Forces, coerces, bullies. 

The narcissist psychopath…

21. Creates & capitalises on divisiveness.  

The narcissist psychopath…

22. Moves in and out of supportive and non-supportive approaches. 

The narcissist psychopath…

23. Attacks process & the qualifications, experience & integrity of professionals challenging them.  

The narcissist psychopath…

24. Engages in a complex set of behaviours which are difficult to see through and understand collectively.  

The narcissist psychopath….

25. Uses ‘lying’ as a strategy

Dr Mitchell asks..

Why are the lies of a narcissist/psychopath different to the lies of others?

and answers…

• They do not experience fear or shame because of brain anomalies. They are therefore able to maintain eye contact and seem calm and honest when they lie.
• When they lie to undermine others, they often do it within a context of caring about the other person which makes it more compelling.

You may not, at first, recognise these tactics being played out in your work environment, because the narcissist psychopath will focus on eradicating 1 target (i.e. 1 person) at a time: the mysterious case of the disappearing team. 

You may instinctively feel something is wrong. 

You may feel as if you have to walk around on eggshells. You may begin to feel drained, anxious, stressed and distressed. If you are the ‘target’ you unquestionably will.

If your colleagues are absent for prolonged periods of time - this is one indication of chronic stress caused by a toxic work environment.

If there is chronic staff shortage or turnover; a retention or recruitment problem. This is an indicator of  a focussed area of toxicity.

That toxicity will affect your mental and physical health.

Twenty years ago I was one of the founding directors of a housing almo - arms length management organisation. As a board we looked at key performance indicators of chronic staff shortage, high turnover, retention & recruitment problems. During a time of TUPE negotiations, transferring housing officers and staff across from the public sector into the new Company; and appointing new positions of CEO & corporate directors.

At the time it did not occur to me that we might have had dark personalities hidden within the subterfuge of the organisation.

It is only through reading the work of Dr Karen Mitchell, that I have begun to realise what happened to me, and see so much prophetic, and yet so easily avoidable, truth in her research statements

1. That narcissism, psychopathy, coercive control and toxic leadership are all just subsets of one high level over-arching dark personality type: motivated by control, exploitation & sadism.

2. That covert narcissists are far more dangerous….  …and are also more likely to be the product of brain anomalies rather than not fully maturing.

3. It takes just one narcissist psychopath to bring a whole organisation down very quickly, by undoing and undermining the dedicated work of dedicated people that has taken them years to deliver. 

What can you do?

Not a lot within the structure or organisation - it is not set up to protect you. It is set up to enable narcissist psychopathy.

Once you realise that you can take agency to reposition yourself from ‘victim’ to ‘survivor’ by first observing/ acknowledging what is happening; and then deeply understanding that a key step in recovering, healing, is ‘owning’ your own story, however horrific a persecution you have suffered from.

The best way to do this, in terms of your physical & mental health and wellbeing being is to:

1. Look out for the indicators mentioned above

2. Listen to your body. First indicator of chronic stress is tiredness, lack of motivation, experiencing a lowered immune system, insomnia, depression. These will be followed by mental health ‘warning signs’: loss  of confidence, anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts or other acute mental crisis or break down. These will be followed, particularly if ignored or repressed, by physical sickness, IBS, vomiting, headaches, migraine, chronic fatigue, chronic depression, chronic pain, chronic inflammation, cancer, heart attack, stroke, and death.

3. Prioritise your own well-being. Prioritise the health of your body, mind and soul. health (over money, or any other anxiety or fear lingering - remember ‘the function of life is to support & protect life - and you are life- therefore as you prioritise your health over all else -you will be protected). 

4. Do not rely on systems within the toxic workplaces or constitutional structures to support you. Use them by all means but without the expectation. Most likely a toxic organisation will ‘close ranks’ around bullying from managers but know that you have changed your karma because you have spoken, you have used your voice, and some people will have ‘heard’ you. It is important to have the deterioration of your health documented by your own independent medical professionals.  Seek help from an experienced life coach. 

5. Protect yourself…leave the toxic environment as quickly as you can….don’t hang on thinking that the situation can heal while you are still in it…..it won’t. Learn how to protect yourself using these modalities:

• Balancing & protecting your chakras, particularly your solar plexus, if it is a work situation, where you fell that punch in the belly every time you are picked upon.
• Remove yourself from your ‘position’ of ‘victim’. 
• Check back regularly as we add modalities

6. Forgive….

….you weren’t expecting that were you?

The healing process begins with you. 

Let’s look at the process of ‘forgiveness’/ through the lens of  esoteric wisdoms: Sange & Ho’Oponopono.

Sange is a Buddhist prayer in 3 parts

It is in essence, an apology in 3 parts:

1. First ‘appreciation’

( you weren’t expecting that either , were you?)

…. for finding a practice for ‘expiating karma’ and for this opportunity (being able to change/ heal/ move forward without negative effect)

….. for being alive in this exact moment (here-now)

…for all the people around me…

…..for the environment that currently supports you

…. for everything acting as a guide toward my enlightenment; and

…the toxic work environment for ejecting you ( that you no longer need to experience that )

2. Self realisation & apology-to-self 

(you probably weren’t expecting that either, were you?) 

….Realise that for every ‘external cause’ (Nyo ze en), there is an ‘internal cause’ ( Nyo ze in). That every situation that occurs to you - is your responsibility. It has presented itself to you, and is a gift acting as a tool/resource to help enable your path to enlightenment. That your past karma compelled that person to persecute you. I ‘unpack’ this further below.

…know (with every cell in your body) you can ‘turn-poison-into-medicine’ by becoming aware of your own ‘internal hooks’ that drew this experience/this person to behave this way toward you. Understand that you alone are responsible for your own life condition and your environment, that reflects itself to you. In Buddhism this principle is known as Esho Funi (‘at one with one’s environment’. This also is the ‘secret’ or metaphysical principle of ‘the law of attraction’, more accurately ‘the law of reflection. It is not a judgement statement. It is an observation of what ‘is’. 

….Apologising to yourself is much healthier (gift yourself some love) than feeling ashamed or guilty. Apologise to yourself that you allowed this slander / persecution/ victimisation of yourself. Sincerely determine that this will never happen to you again.

3. Daimoku of altruism: turning poison into medicine

Chanting ‘Daimoku’ is expressing the Buddhist chant ‘Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo, as an evocation to transmute energy around this situation (from the pain experienced as persecuted victim  toward sustainable health & wellbeing of the person/s involved

…. this includes yourself, and, in this case the manager who created the toxic work environment which ejected you. Hold in your hearts the sincere intention that they may deepen their understanding and transmute their own karma.

Ask sincerely what can you do: to protect yourself from it never happening again (to yourself & others); toward reconciliation of the past ( how might you rectify this for yourself?) 

My daily vow - as a’Bodhisatva of the earth’ is to constantly create and accept value and support to fulfil all areas of my life. 

One answer to the question of why I stayed in such a toxic work environment for so long was because I sincerely believed in the strategic vision of the organisation, and believed (mistakenly) that  those around me held equal values;  and therefore, that it was an environment in which I would be enabled to create value. 

Effects and observations following The Buddhist Prayer Sange

I have applied ‘Sange’ to turn around some quite traumatic, dangerous, and potentially dangerous experiences in my life. 

In this instance I noticed that the situation appeared to get worse before it got better. 

Following guidance from a fellow Buddhist in my home town - to chant for the happiness of the particular manager ( the ‘oppressor’ or ‘narcissist psychopath, ‘predator’), the persecution against me became intense & absolute, involving a hierarchy of authoritarian managers and corporate culpability. In military speak ‘the closing of ranks’. The effect on my physical health was very nearly fatal. The military rhetoric used is an indicator of the characteristic of the organisation, in which several senior managers & corporate directors are ‘ex-military’. Remember I was referred to as ‘hostile’. The word ‘hostile’ in military rhetoric refers to a  perceived ‘enemy’. Imagine referring to one of your own employees as an ‘enemy’!

This language illuminates and elucidates the dystopian ‘dark personality’ of the organisation, its’ culture & characteristics. A body not just failing in its legal duty of care to employees, or citizens, but a corporation actively enabling treatment of staff by manager’s exhibiting narcissist psychopath behaviours. The good news is: the global chaos we witness in an increasingly polarising world can be seen as ‘The last Hurrah’ or ‘The Last Charge’ of a post colonial paradigm.

Ho’Oponopono

Like the Buddhist Sange, or Christian forgiveness, this Polynesian modality is a cultural intervention, action, or ceremony (Pukui) designed to amend, correct, adjust and rebalance the ‘true’ condition, or ‘true’ nature of the situation, and return you, and your environment to perfect order. 

i. An underlying tenet to healing  is that a person’s ‘error’ has caused illness. 

• This is not victim blaming. It is non-judgemental acknowledgement of your own part in the ‘play’: an observation of erroneous behaviour, communication, and thought patterns. 
• By ‘erroneous’ we are not talking about the norms of society, external expectations; we are referring to any thoughts and actions that were not in alignment with your true self (it is this, that has fuelled dis-ease and illness within you)
• Acknowledgement that anger, guilt, thoughts of revenge/recrimination etc cause dis-ease.

ii. Similar in use to the Wicca ritual of Untying the cords’ or cutting the ties that bind you, an ‘untie-error’ ritual is performed traditionally to atone for the erroneous situation that has made you ill. Repressed anger can turn into deep chronic illnesses like cancer, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue etc. It is also expected that the 3rd party acknowledges and atones “if no-one confesses an error a patient may die”. 

• Secrecy gives power to illness. 
• When the error is confessed it no longer has power over the person 

iii.  Similar to Roman Catholic ‘confession’, and the Buddhist concept of ‘Esho Funi’, is the belief that harmony is restored through confession & apology.

iv.   ‘Ho’O creates a verb (actualising what ‘is). From the noun ‘pono’: of correct shape/form… goodness…morality…correct procedure/behaviour…to make whole/perfect… well-being/welfare…prosperity/health & wealth…illuminating: unveiling true nature, true condition…revelation: seeing through illusion…adjusted/re-balanced.

v. The Hawaiian belief that all illness is created by breaking ‘kapu’. 

• kapu is the theft of another person’s ‘mana’ (life/health)… a ‘trespass’ against another… a threat to spiritual order. Christian’s recite ‘The Lord’s Prayer (attributed to Jesus) “…forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us”. 
• The corrective ‘Pukui’ is a ceremony (or intervention) instigated by the most senior family member (calling the family together); lead by a ‘Kahuna Lara’au’ (healing priest; and performed by extended family members (as a soul group), or the people’s involved in the error  to ‘atone’ ( make right, make amends or reparation). Reparation does not have to involve reconciliation in the physical plane because reconciliation must happen (first) in the spiritual plane.   

vi. The Ho’Oponopono ritual involves:

• Prayer: a statement  (bringing out into the open) acknowledgement of the transgression (confession)
• ‘Estrangement’: calm silence used to reflect on transgression or injuries
• ‘Acknowledgent’, acknowledge everyone’s  feelings
• ‘Oki’: cutting off the past, releasing , letting go of the karma
• a ceremonial or symbolic feast (eating/sharing food together) 

and finally

• the giving of a gift: traditionally a ‘lei’(a garland) 

Nana Veary (Hawaiian / Polynesian scholar) presented at the U.N. how an extended use of Ho’Oponopono can be used as a very effective form of dispute resolution, an alternative to family counselling, and punitive criminal law.